Where has my friend gone?

This article was provoked by something that’s been trending within the sub-culture of social media for quite sometime. It’s most obvious on Facebook and has to do with the unfriending of people from your network.

Make no mistake, there are times when the unfriending of an individual is appropriate. I would say, in some circumstances, it’s the most healthy and safe thing to do. We live in a day and age where stalkers, gawkers and those addicted to gossip, prowl the web looking for people to harass and humiliate. In such extreme instances, you are left with no other option.

Then there’s the immature adolescent searching to find his/her way in a world that has never been kind, or graceful. We’ve come to expect this type of behavior form kids who live in a society where dysfunction is displayed, celebrated and even capitalized on by television networks each week.

However, it is not the above criteria to which I’m speaking. My reference is pointedly addressing adults who act like children. Adults who look less like leaders and contributors to society and more like a little kid on the playground that does not get his/her way and throws a tantrum, then follows it up with a grand exit by taking his/her ball and going home.

So, to answer the title question, “Where has my friend gone,” and to speak to the issue at hand I suppose we must start with another question, “What is a friend?”

Webster defines friend as:

“1.
a :  one attached to another by affection or esteem.
b :  acquaintance
2.
a :  one that is not hostile 
b :  one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3:  one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4:  a favored companion”

So, according to the Word Master, there is more than one type of friend, or at least varying degrees of friendship.

Therefore it becomes subjective and the onus falls on the individual. So, the next question would be, “What is the nature of true friendship?”

I’m reminded of an interview David Letterman hosted with then Prime Minister of The UK, Tony Blair. It was no surprise when Dave took a pot shot at President Bush and invited the Prime Minister to join the bashing. However, Tony Blair, refused to be drawn in and said of President Bush, “He is a friend, and I am no fair weather friend.” Kudos to Tony Blair for sticking to his guns and avoiding the media hype, and for supporting his friend.

From that interview I understood Prime Minister Blair was unconditionally committed to his friendship with the President. Their relationship was developed over a period of years and tempered on the anvil of an unpopular war. The relationship seems to have been cemented.

So, when we welcome someone into our network as a friend, do we consider them a friend, or just an acquaintance? I understand the difference. I could only imagine if the person was, or is someone we have known for a period of months, or years he/she would be considered much more than an acquaintance.

If it is someone with whom we have shared fellowship, and a portion of our life, indicates this individual is much more than a mere acquaintance. And with that, I am haunted by the question, “Where has my friend gone?”

Realizing I’m no victim and understanding relationships at times grow sour, or drift apart leaves me in a position of not placing blame, but rather with a deep sense of loss and disappointment. It hurts.

Then I’m reminded of how Brutus betrayed Caesar for political gain, and Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. It is questionable as to how much of a friendship Brutus and Caesar truly enjoyed, but Jesus poured his life in to Judas Iscariot.  He shared the Last Supper with someone who sold their friendship out for 50 pieces of silver.

At the end of the day, I suppose human nature has not changed since Caesar crossed the Rubicon, or since Jesus washed the disciple’s feet. Perhaps I’m a little too sensitive in an age where the invitation to participate in social media suggest friendship. And it could be that I expect way too much from people. However, there is a longing in my heart to know, “Where has my friend gone?”

Jesus once said, “Greater love has no man than this, that he should lay down his life for his friend.”  If we, the followers of Christ, practiced this principal, the world would once again see us as genuine. Until then, they are not interested in our shallow hypocrisy.

Knowing my friend, who unfriended me will not see this post, gives the appearance that I’m preaching to the choir. I hope that’s not the case, but if it should be… then to the choir I say, “Has anyone seen, or heard from my friend? If you do, tell her we love her." 

James Taylor put the concept of unconditional friendship to music and it came out pretty good. Follow the link: http://youtu.be/dvvJ7MYaK8o